The Sky is Warming, The Sky is Warming!

It is 70 degrees farenheit in Boston on January 6th.

Don't get me wrong, I love 70 degree weather. It's wonderful, fabulous, divine even. But this is some crazy #$%*! A high of 50 would be unseasonably warm and very pleasant (for a little while), but this, kinahurra! And today isn't even that atypical for this year's winter.

Despite the obvious benefits in comfort, there are some often unnerving, frequently under-noticed consequences, like:

• Small talk - how do you make it clear that you're only making small talk with someone (or that you're not making small talk with someone) when the weather--traditionally a bastion of small talk--suddenly becomes fair game for legitimate conversations? I don't think it's necessary for me to elaborate for anyone to grasp the possible enormity of the effects that a blurring of conversational categories could have on dating, relationships, or cocktail parties.
• Fashion - the entire fashion industry is predicated on a meteriological differentiation between seasons...why should I buy a winter wardrobe if winter no longer exists. Does this portend an economic collapse? Of course, on a more personal level, what am I going to do with all the subdued greys and browns and dark-wash denims that I own? This kind of weather could effectively destroy half my wardrobe, and possibly bankrupt me should I try to rescusitate it.
• Diet - I have built into my diet a number of seasonal treats, to celebrate changes in the weather. This means that the first cold night of the year coincides with the first hot Starbucks (often the kind that would constitute a calorie-splurge), and likewise the first warm day of spring is marked by the first iced Starbucks drink of the year. If the weather varies too frequently, I could conceivably get confused and end up drinking one of those 10,000 calorie Frappucinos every couple days. Not acceptable.

This is all very alarming, and I think foreshadows the possibility of even more ominous consequences should we not succeed in stanching the progress of global warming. Scary.