Stop the Slurping!

And the stage whispering, and the jocular laughing in the stairwells, and the hammer-style typing, and any other noises related to bodily functions that are voluntary in any sense of the word.

Just stop. This is a library. People come here to study QUIETLY. There are many, many places to study where noise is acceptable. If you, in your 20+ years of existence, have not learned to drink your coffee without slurping, then go somewhere else. It's really quite simple. Using the library is a privilege, not a right. And it's a privilege that you forfeit if you can't manage to drink your coffee without impersonating a drowning powervac.

If that sounds unreasonable, then I suggest you make a recording of yourself slurping your latte, and listen to it on repeat for a few hours. Then come back and tell me I'm being unreasonable.

Now this post may sound mean-spirited, or even bitchy (a word that I don't particularly like, for obvious feminist reasons), but it is written in a spirit of kind-heartedness and a desire for mutual benefit.

I am very, very stressed out, as can frequently occur during reading period. I also own and carry a large number of sharp items. I only ask for a certain level of respect for basic library etiquette out of a desire to prevent my numerous sharp objects from lodging themselves into you. Repeatedly.

See, I'm practically overflowing with beneficence. A fount of beneficence...which could potentially become a fount of sharp objects. So watch it.